When I had my first book accepted, everyone told me start a blog, start a twitter, start a Facebook profile, but they don't tell you what to write. I may be a writer of fiction, but blogging is about reality. You're supposed to write about your recent stories or whatever exciting thing may have happened in your life. But what if you don't have anything exciting that happens? What if it's the same boring day, day in and day out?
I go to work, come home, walk the dog, take a shower, do whatever I need to do, play Warcraft every couple of days, and try to force myself to get into the mood to write. My job has sucked out the urge, which is the exact opposite of what I figure it would do. After all, I don't enjoy being there anymore, so you'd think it would motivate me to get my butt in gear. Only... it hasn't. It just exhausts me to where I don't want to think.
They load me down with so much work that there is no humanly possible way to finish it all in the time they want. And it stresses me out because I'm anal retentive when it comes to doing a good job. My boss micro manages me to the point where I want to scream sometimes. I'm not an idiot and you don't have to direct me what to do every minute of every day. I understand when something important comes up, but let me do what I need to do on a regular basis. If you leave me alone, I get more done. He doesn't seem to get that concept. I feel resentful all the time now. And when he calls my name, the hairs on the back of my neck go up, like a cat who's pissed and hissing. Sometimes, I have to bite my tongue not to say something very bad and walk out.
I love writing. Writing is like breathing for me. I've had a passion for it since I was in school. I won a couple of awards in middle school, but never pursued it in High school. High school was a depressing time for me. I wasn't one of the in-crowd so I spent most of my time alone after I was moved to another school. I didn't talk to people easily, very introverted, shy and low self-esteem. I've gotten a lot better with that. Now I'm more of an anti-social than shy. I speak my mind, which some people hate me for but hey, if you hate me for it, then you don't matter, right?
I love dialogue, I love reading about lives other than my own. There are so many ways a person's life can move in a book. Things can happen in a book that don't happen in real life even. Shifters, vampires, dragons and you can immerse yourself in a story and pretend, just for a little while, that you are that person, the one who rescues people or who can shift into a wonderous creature. You can be the person who's loved by someone unconditionally, no matter who they are. You can forget about your own life and your own troubles and move on.
When I write, I write from that perspective. We all love angst and seeing our characters put through pain, but when it comes to the end of the story, (even the most hard-hearted person), loves to see the characters given their happy ending. Being told I love you. Triumphing over the evil in the story, be it tangible in the form of a character or intangible in the form of an emotion.
I'm sorry to those who have started reading my blog story posts. I know I haven't updated them in a long time. I apologize. It's like I said previously, I can't think most days. I'm hoping the exercise I intend to start tonight, an hour a night, will help me clear my head and motivate me. It may tire me out at first, but perhaps after that it will make me feel good or better. Isn't that what they say? That when you exercise it makes you feel better?
Anyway, it is time for me to finish getting ready to go to work. Perhaps I will have an update for my short story on this blog soon.
~J.R.~
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