Author Spotlight: Andrea Speed - Night of the Leaper

Today and tomorrow's author spotlight is on Andrea Speed. I'm afraid I'm a little late in posting this. :(  The only excuse I have is a mental breakdown and *facepalm* stupidity.

Andrea has provided us a short from her world of Josh of the Damned with three prompts sent to her by me. LOL. The prompts sent to Andrea were: Easter Bunny, red hot chili pepper, and a wig.

I couldn't stop laughing. :) Please enjoy Andrea's short and make sure to leave a comment to let her know you were here!

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Night of the Leaper

Josh was crouched down behind the counter, trying to find a dropped dime, when he heard the brass bell over the door chime. The store had been weirdly busy tonight, for unclear reasons. The lizards had pretty much cleared out the bags of Ruffles, but they were always such chip hounds. He just hadn't expected about two dozen of them in a row.

A shadow fell over the counter, and he heard a guy with a thick English accent say, “Oi, mate.”

Josh was surprised – a genuine human? And what was a British guy doing here?- so he stood up, and instantly staggered back when he saw what was on the other side of the counter.

It was a seven foot guy in a full body, pastel yellow bunny costume. A really good costume, as his fur seemed to ripple in the slight breeze from the air conditioner, and it almost looked like one of his ears twitched. His oversized eyes looked weirdly real, as did the wet pink pad of his nose. “Do you sell these?” he asked, putting a frozen burrito on the counter. The way his lips moved, it really looked like he was talking, like he had a mouth and everything.

“Is, um, that a costume?” Josh asked. He had to ask. The things that came from the hell portal were so batshit sometimes it was like there was a gas form of LSD being pumped through the vents.

His nose wrinkled, and one of his long ears twitched back, like it wasn't structurally sound. (Well, it wasn't.  There was no way it could be! They were nearly foot long ears.) “What the hell kinda question is that? Yeah, I'm dressed up like a banana bunny 'cause that's how I get my jollies. What kinda  weird ass freak do you think I am?”

A seven foot tall Easter bunny was asking him that. Holy shit, how did he answer that question? “Umm ... sorry? I've just never seen a person ... er, rabbit like you.”

He made a noise that could have been a snort. It also could have been a fart, a cough, or a sneeze. Josh had no context in which to judge a large bunny man. “I’d hope not, mate. I’m one of a kind.” He then patted the frozen burrito on the counter. “You sell these or what?”

Josh had to force himself to look down, and then look past the hairy paw/hand to the open plastic wrapper of the burrito. He recognized it from logo color alone. It was the zombie’s favourite. “Yeah, we do. Why?”

“’Cause normally they ain’t spicy. But this was spicy. I hate spicy. Plays hell with my digestion.”

He wanted to say ‘And the burrito doesn’t?’, but that probably wasn’t the response he was looking for. “So, um, what do you expect me to do about it? I’m not in charge of changing the recipes.”

“I want my money back.”

“Do you have a receipt?”

The bunny’s eyes narrowed until they were almost the size of an orange. Pretty small for him. “Where else would I have bought it?”

“I don’t remember selling it to you.” Josh was trying hard not to fidget, because he really wanted to fidget. Something about this giant bunny was making him intensely nervous.

The bunny rolled its huge eyes, and made a noise that could have been a tongue click. It also could have been a gnashing of teeth, or a burp. “Yeah, no shit. I had a zombie do it for me. You think I can go anywhere? I’m a giant fucking yellow rabbit!”

It wasn’t policy to return money without receipt, but Josh was in no particular hurry to get into an argument with a big rabbit. Besides, it was what, a buck? He probably had that in loose change from the lizard guys. “Fair enough,” he said, opening the register. “So, uh, are you the Easter bunny or something?”

“No. There’s no such thing as a bloody Easter bunny, although I’m pretty sure some bastard ripped off my image for the thing. Do you know who I can sue about that?”

Josh thought he was joking, but as he gave him a dollar bill, he realized the bunny was staring at him with unnerving intensity. “Um … Hallmark? Paas? Organized religion?

The bunny made another noise he couldn’t interpret, and his nose wrinkled in an adorable manner, which was still somehow creepy. “Those bastards are always tryin’ to make a buck offa me.”

Josh wondered which bastards he meant, but wasn’t brave enough to ask.

He took his money and turned away, muttering to himself, “Shoulda trademarked myself, would have made enough for a mansion of my own, building their goddamn holidays on my back …” Josh watched him leave, and felt strangely relieved when he was gone.

A lizard guy came in, looked back at the bunny, and then fixed Josh with a knowing stare. “Don’t ask me,” Josh replied. “I just work here.”

Boy, did he have some questions for Colin. What else was waiting over in Dev? Living yard gnomes? Leprechauns? Men who looked like Santa but were in fact cannibalistic trolls?

On second thought, maybe he didn’t want to know. 

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Upcoming Release:  Closet Capers - Tempest For a Teacup - April 22, 2013  

A dash of intrigue keeps any relationship fresh: laughing breathlessly over a little thrill, feeling clingy after a shiver of suspense, mucking through a minor mystery. This anthology offers a dozen light and humorous romantic short stories in which a quickly solved caper may be just the ticket to spice up any romance.

Stories included are:
  
Kitsch Me by Mari Donne
Leveling Up by Jude Dunn
Philip Collyer vs. the Cola Thief by Amy Rae Durreson
A Kiss in the Dark by Eli Easton
Calberg's House Specialty Blend by Skylar Jaye
Small Change by Danni Keane
Lawrence Frightengale Investigates by Aidee Ladnier & Debussy Ladnier
The Whole Kit and Kaboodle by Ari McKay
Le Beau Soleil by Christopher Hawthorne Moss
Joie de Vivre by Pinkie Rae Parker
Made Good Under Pressure by Maja Rose
Tempest for a Teacup by Andrea Speed

Buy Link: Dreamspinner Press eBook